If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
