You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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