Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
