Cold hands, warm shart.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
