Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
