I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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