He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
