i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
