ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
