let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
