I wish they made helmets for livers.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A+ Viking dick
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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