drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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