I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
