I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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