Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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