Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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