Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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