I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
