At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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