We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I've blown a few things in my day
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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