been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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