My balls are so social today.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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