your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
