Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
whose parrot is this?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
