i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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