dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We talked him into tasing himself.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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