after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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