i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
