you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize