it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
