Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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