i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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