Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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