Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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