There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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