We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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