Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
