Your face is a jimmy john
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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