I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
