I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
