saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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