About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
