she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
