You work out of a Hotel?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
