last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
