I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
