Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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