Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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