Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
