I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
