Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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