why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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