I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
