Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
