a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
