so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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