Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
