I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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