Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
