oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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