what day is it and did you see me today?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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