they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
