so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
