TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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