Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
