Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
